A Modern Spectacle
by Super Nintendo Power
Summary: Something I'm never going to finish. This is a rant, in story form, that shows how bad a modern Zelda would be.


A/N: Right… this is a one-shot I'm writing to show how bad a Zelda game would be if it goes 'modern.' I'm not saying it WILL be bad, but if it's anything like this piece of crap…

Warning: Expect several GTA references, Racism (between the species of Hyrule) crime, gangster activities, and lot's of made up crap. Let's go.

The Legend of Zelda: Modern Spectacle (Not!)

"Link. You know what you must do. KILL THEM GERUDO DICKHEAD'S!" The King of Hyrule underworld screamed.

Link pointed out that most of the Gerudo were female.

"I don't give a goron's ass! Now kill them! They're bad for business!"

Link shrugged and left the building. He got out his car keys and unlocked his car, the Epona 2009. Suddenly, some jerk tried to GTA him.

"Give me your car bitch!" The man yelled as he pushed Link over. Link fell back, but pulled out his gun and killed the guy. A cop saw it all.

"Hey You. You're under arrest."

Link asks why.

"BECAUSE YOU F#$ING killed the poor bastard!"

Link defends himself by saying that guy tried to steal his car.

"I don't give a shit what you're trying to say! Din, you're like those whiny Deku Scrubs."

Link defends the scrubs, saying he was raised to respect nature.

"That's crime number two: "All who are damn stupid enough to respect nature are whiny bastards and deserve to rot in prison." President of Hyrule XVIII made that law."

Link points out that guy was really Ganondorf, trying to start a civil war.

"Ah, how would you know that?"

Link says it was in the newspaper this morning.

"What the- Your in League with Ganondork, aren't you?"

Link asks why, then comments on how that guy need's name-calling lessons.

"Shut up bitch! You know that the underground term for 'Gerudo' is 'newspaper boy.' Don't you?"

Link points out that the Gerudo are female. (Again) And accuses the cop of making up excuses just to arrest him.

"Well F$#. You're swift. But it's already too late." The cop points upwards, and Link notices the military crap up there. And they were surrounded by cops. Well Shit.

Link uncharacteristically punches the cop, and he dies. Link briefly wonders why, but then thought against it and got in the Epona. He took out his cell phone and dialed.

"Yo?" A voice on the other end asked.

Link asks why the cops were after him.

"Dude, you're a known gangster. Who's dating the president's daughter. The big man wants you DEAD. Oh, and Ganondorf broke out of his ageless prison."

Link asks how.

"Hey, who do you think I am? I just know crap that comes through the castle. Apparently the Gerudo are getting pretty pumped up, and planning a turf war or something. I think they have nine hideouts that you have to destroy before going to their area.

Link suggests just going in and killing Ganondorf.

"… That works."

Link looked up to the upper left hand side of the screen, where his health, ammo (Which replaced the crappy magic system LMAO) and star rating where. His rating was…

"OVER NINE THOUSANNNNNNNNNDDDDDD!!!!" The voice screamed. "What in Nayru's name did you do?"

Link insists that he didn't do anything except kill a guy that tried to GTA his Epona.

"What the… who was that guy?"

Link goes back to check, and replies that it was the King of Hyrule.

"… I heard he had a little too much to drink last night. But hey, now you can go all the way with Zelda! Woo hoo!"

Link says that this is a Zelda game, and thus is rated T.

"Huh? Who gives an F#$% if ESRB doesn't like us?"

Link says that they might scare away the kiddies with its big, scary M.

"Yeah, but they played crap like Superman 64 and liked it!" The voice argued.

Link defends himself that if good, innocent games come out, it would make children more appreciative.

"What kind of Gangster are you?"

End

A/N: I'm sorry it's so short, but I'm never going to finish it…. A have a million projects I need to finish, and this just isn't important enough. Hopefully I got my point across.

Ciao!

Megagamer200


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